Alternate Ending: The Older, the Young, and the Restless
by SadaraLochlan
Summary: Some requests for Spock to be the father figure to Pike's son after Pike's death rather than Kirk, so I'm exploring that here.
1. Spock Prime

**Exploring a scenario in which NuSpock considers trying to convince Sadara to do more in honoring her Vulcan heritage.**

The rope in a game of tug of war.

That's what the Vulcan/Human hybrid Spock felt like pretty much all of the time, his two halves yanking the rope. Torn between Vulcan and Human principles and with an ability to see situations from the perspectives of both halves often left the young man of two minds. And reconciling such polarizing worldviews constantly felt like swimming upstream.

Since encountering his older counterpart from the alternate reality, the younger Spock frequently recalled the wiser and more relaxed man's advice.

_Do what feels right._

It was advice that young Spock had desperately needed after the unspeakable, unfathomable horror that was losing his mother and entire homeworld. And it would have been needed advice even had those tragedies not occurred. To hear from an older Vulcan that it was acceptable for him to do what he wanted rather than what was expected of him had been a relief of monumental proportions. A heavy weight that he had carried for so long no longer felt so burdensome and pressing.

Sometimes though, like today, what felt right also inspired internal conflict. The raven haired hybrid's relationship with Lieutenant Nyota Uhura had been strained of late. He cared deeply for her; loved her even if he could bring himself to admit to such an emotion. He admitted to anger after his mother's death at the hands of Nero so perhaps an admission of love wasn't so far fetched.

The recent disagreements and arguments were picking up in frequency and irrationality to an extreme that only females seemed capable of. It was wearing on Spock to the point where he was starting to prefer silent meditation over spending time with his significant other just to have the evening disintegrate in another fruitless argument.

Spock made his way to the transporter room, still trying to order his thoughts. He had requested leave time and was being dropped off at New Vulcan on the way to the Enterprise's next mission. Hope swelled up in him that the leave time would help bring much needed and wanted clarity regarding his relationship.

It wasn't just his relationship weighing on his mind. Admiral Pike's widow, Sadara and her infant son never strayed too far from his thoughts either. Spock didn't know the woman well enough to experience any significant attraction to her and he would likely fight such as inappropriate had that been the case. She was a fairly recent widow and it seemed awfully early for her to even consider a new relationship. Still, he was concerned for the quarter Vulcan boy she was raising alone now.

Disquiet settled over Spock like a heavy net that he struggled to throw off. It concerned him that Sadara was so… unaware or uninterested in her Vulcan half. Given that Vulcans were considered an endangered species fighting to preserve their culture and way of life, it almost angered Spock that Sadara intended to raise her son in the Human tradition. In his eyes, he thought she should consider marriage to a Vulcan male, of which more survived the destruction of Vulcan than females of fertile age. She had a duty to Vulcan. Why couldn't she see that?!

Immediately his own logic chastised him. He hadn't bothered to seriously consider a Vulcan wife and have children either. Not given his involvement with Uhura. On top of that, wasn't he just noting how recently Sadara had been made a widow. Still… he wished for her to embrace her Vulcan heritage for the sake of their species. Regardless of how much she cherished her humanity, Sadara was half Vulcan and the Vulcans needed every last Vulcan gene possible to expand the savagely curtailed gene pool.

Materializing in the center of the ever expanding colony of New Vulcan, Spock noted members of many species milling about, engaged in their various tasks. The majority of the population was comprised of the surviving Vulcans, but members of other species had come to New Vulcan to assist in whatever ways they could at restoring Vulcan civilization.

Spock decided to pay a visit to his older and wiser self. Perhaps his insight would help Spock achieve some sort of resolution and peace with the maelstrom of thoughts unleashed in his keen mind.

W^^^W^^^W

The elder Spock listened patiently and attentively as his younger version described his dilemma. His apartment was lit only by the flickering light of the many candles that he preferred to artificial lights.

Setting a mug of hot tea in front of young Spock, the aging man gently lowered himself into the comfortable chair across from the younger man, cradling his own mug in his large hands.

"I completely understand your loyalty to Admiral Pike. I also, felt immense loyalty to the man in my own timeline to the point that I risked my career to assist him. Sadara is here on New Vulcan at this very moment, visiting her mother."

Spock raised a surprised eyebrow. "One can only hope she'll discover some… emotional connection to the plight of the Vulcan people and experience a shift in her perspective."

Amusement brightened elder Spock's rich, brown eyes. "She was rather stubborn in my timeline, I fear. However, there are always… possibilities."

"You speak as if you know something I don't?"

"I spoke with her yesterday. The challenges facing the Vulcan people aren't as far from her thoughts as you fear. I have no wish to interfere with your relationship with Lt. Uhura. I had much respect for the one I knew. That being said, you must decide how important it is for you to see young Christopher Pike raised with Vulcan influence. I cannot say how you and Sadara would fare together. As a man not much older than you are now, I cannot say I saw eye to eye with her. She and I would not develop greater understanding and acceptance of each other until years later."

Young Spock pondered that. "But that doesn't have to be the case in this timeline. She and I are two of a kind. If we can't turn to each other for acceptance, who can we turn to?"

"If only she and I had been so wise in our younger years as you appear to be," Elder Spock noted with some regret tinged amusement.

"You once suggested I "do what feels right." What feels right is doing something to further the rebuilding of our race. We need every Vulcan gene. Even only half Vulcan, Sadara is vital to this. With so few females left, she's even more important. Even the most stubborn bigot could see that."

"Then I suggest you seek her out and discuss the matter with her. I anticipate you will be… pleasantly surprised."

"I hope that to be the case," Spock set his now empty tea mug on the coffee table in front of him and stood. "Peace and long life."


	2. Logical Proposals

"This will come as no great shock to you," Sadara said with some amusement. "But I feel nothing but confusion and chaos inside right now."

She was peering out a window near the dining room, a mug of hot chocolate cradled gently in her hands. Below her mother's second floor apartment, the young brunette could see a number of people engaged in daily chores and activities. Down the street, another apartment complex was being constructed. The colony on New Vulcan had grown substantially in such a short while.

Sadara was silent for a long moment before turning from the window to face the first officer of the USS Enterprise. She took a long sip of the hot chocolate before continuing.

"I came to New Vulcan at my mother's request. Growing up, she had taught me about Vulcan culture, history, language, and so on, but she never insisted I behave as a Vulcan would. When I arrived, she informed me that the situation was direr that I was aware of. There aren't enough Vulcan women, which is dangerous for the males as they enter their Time. The kal if fee has been invoked more times in the last few years than it had in the last several centuries, but by males desperate to secure a female from the few that remain. Some died, unsuccessful and unresolved."

Spock steepled his fingers in front of him and nodded. "I have been informed of that as well. My father is gravely concerned. The technology exists that create children from the DNA of two males and two females, but Vulcans sometimes have difficulty temporarily sacrificing principles and moral beliefs even when logic dictates such. Granted, one cannot simply change their sexual orientation, but the creation of children doesn't depend on that necessarily."

Returning her empty mug to the kitchen, Sadara returned to the living room and lowered herself onto the couch across from Spock. Her son, Christopher was still mercifully napping in the guest bedroom.

"I agree completely, Spock," Sadara nodded. "Expanding the gene pool should be a priority; but you're right, it's difficult for many Vulcans to step outside of their comfort zone regarding marriage and family. My mother though has been pressing me since I arrived to consider a Vulcan consort and have more children."

"Indeed," Spock's eyebrow lifted in surprise. "My father has been surprisingly on the matter where I'm concerned."

Sadara shook her head. "It's not as simple for you and me, Spock. We're hybrids. Most Vulcans were purists before the loss of our world and some are even more so now that we're an endangered species. They want pure Vulcan genes, not half. I don't think they realize or care that as hybrids you and I can add a small measure of added diversity of the gene pool."

The sudden whimpering and crying of young Christopher in the other room distracted Sadara from what she wanted to say next. Excusing herself for a moment, she rose from the couch and travelled the short distance down the hall to retrieve her one year old son. The boy quieted after a moment and went back to dozing on his mother's shoulder as she returned to her spot on the couch.

Spock gazed at the child, startled at how much more the boy looked like his late father every time he saw him. The shock of brown hair grazing young Christopher's head was more ashy in tone than the warm chocolate of his mother's. And his eyes were that same stormy gray-blue just like Admiral Pike's had been. It would be most interesting to see whose facial features he'd have as he matured.

"That is what I wished to speak to you about, Sadara. As a hybrid as well, I would also face similar difficulties in securing a Vulcan wife. I believe the logical solution would be for us to bond and have our own children."

Sadara pondered that, pouring over the possibilities and consequences. "You do realize that together we would produce more half Vulcan/half Human hybrids? What about securing mates for them? Wouldn't that be just as difficult as what we would face?"

Dark eyebrows knitted together in thought. "I believe that as our species' situation improves, that will be less problematic. In any event, it would be illogical to worry about such a situation until it arises."

"Perhaps. What about your relationship with Lt. Uhura? Or is that history now?"

"It is not. I too, have been experiencing inner turmoil regarding what I believe is the right thing for me to do, both for myself and our species. I care deeply for Nyota, but her irrationality regarding my concern for you and Christopher has grown… tiresome. I apologize if my approach seems cold and calculating, but I require all pertinent information before making a decision."

Sadara stood and wandered to the window again. Warm sunlight burst through and she savored the heat as she rubbed her son's back comfortingly.

"You wish to know if I'm willing to become your wife?"

"Yes," he said simply, though she detected a measure of optimism and hope in his voice.

"You will be on New Vulcan for a few more days?"

"The next six."

"Then you will have my answer within the next five. I will contact you when I've decided."

Spock rose, his brown eyes bright with optimism. "In that event, I await your decision."

Sadara watched him exit the apartment quietly, then turned her gaze back to the window. She stood there for several more moments, pondering the decision she now had to make. If she chose to marry Spock for the sake of their species, Jim Kirk was going to get hurt. And so would Lt. Uhura. She had brown up in a more individualistic society that placed personal needs as important and pertinent. The current needs of the Vulcan society required a more collectivistic mindset and Sadara would need to dig down deep for it within herself.

_The needs of the many…_


	3. Logical Decisions

Her reflection gazing back at her in the full length mirror, Sadara could see plainly the disgust for herself in her own sapphire blue eyes. She was also rather angry with Spock for putting her in the position of having to decide the fates of five people. Even though he was behaving logically by gathering all necessary information before making a decision, he had left Sadara to decide if she'd bond with him before he'd break things off with Uhura. From her more human perspective, the action seemed cowardly, though she knew that the Vulcans wouldn't see it as such.

She smoothed out the long, blood green dress of Vulcan style she'd chosen. The color wasn't particularly flattering on her, but as it was the color of Vulcan blood, she suspected it would resonate with Spock. It clung loosely to her curves and was made of a light, airy material appropriate for the hot weather. Her dark brown hair had been straightened, but as it was only shoulder length and cut in a style humans favored, it still didn't look very Vulcan. Plucking a gold colored headband from her dresser, she slipped it on and studied herself in the mirror again. That looked slightly more Vulcan.

She let out a deep breath and decided that was as good as it was going to get and made her way to the living room. Fortunately, Spock was punctual as ever and Sadara hadn't had long to suffocate in her own nervousness.

She felt his eyes rake across her form. Some appreciation crept into his gaze, but Sadara still felt she was passing some impromptu test of her ability to outwardly appear Vulcan. She hadn't considered that he would react that way, but she remained silent and still until the moment passed.

Spock realized she'd made her decision though and inwardly he sighed in relief. She likely would not have made the effort to dress as a Vulcan woman unless she intended to accept his proposal. It was a bittersweet moment for both of them. Their union would benefit the Vulcan people, but two of their friends would be crushed in the process.

But sentimentality could not be afforded when the Vulcan species was endangered and Spock held firm in his decision. Extending two fingers to her in the traditional Vulcan "kiss" Spock allowed his keen mind to blossom open to Sadara's as her fingers met his. They had shared thoughts before in a previous mind meld, but this involved a deeper, more personal sharing of the person on multiple levels.

He noted her uncertainty and apprehension about what their marriage would be like. She feared a cold, sterile, loveless marriage in which she wouldn't be able to be herself and would she be an embarrassment to him if she did. Curious that she didn't know about Vulcan bondings better than that, he reassured her that the experience wouldn't be the stark picture she had painted in her mind. Warm feelings and images were projected by Spock into Sadara's mind conveying the admiration and friendship he felt for Admiral Pike and the concern and warmth he felt toward Pike's baby son, and to some extent, Sadara herself.

"I will make plans for the bonding as soon as I've had a chance to inform Nyota. A task I am hardly looking forward to," he said as he withdrew from the meld and lowered his hand. Moving down the hall into the little bedroom, he stopped in front of the baby's crib and peered in at young Christopher's sleeping form. The little boy would be his son now and Spock reached in to gently rub the boy's back. Chris stirred slightly, but remained asleep.

"I will return after I've spoken to Nyota and Jim," Spock said. He caressed Sadara's face for a moment and then hurried out the door to accomplish the grim tasks that awaited him.

A part of Sadara felt she should be the one to tell Jim, but if she were to adopt more Vulcan ways, she would have to concede it would not be her place this time. It would be her husband to be's.

W^^^W^^^W

Nyota Uhura stood frozen, her heart pounding against her chest so hard she feared it might just burst out of her. As a communications officer, she had heard every word Spock had said with astute clarity and would still have understood him if he'd told her in his native language of Vulcan. Processing and absorbing it was coming with more difficulty. She stared at Spock, but in her onyx eyes was that faraway look of someone who couldn't quite believe what they were hearing.

"Now when I suggested you go make Vulcan babies with Sadara, I was being sarcastic. I'm sure you picked up on that!"

She shook her head at him in fury, her long, ebony hair swaying in its long ponytail. "I can't believe I am hearing this from you! Don't I matter to you at all? Is it really this easy and logical to throw away our time together just because you feel some compassion for her situation?! Is it?!"

Spock held back the long sigh of frustration that threatened to burst out of him. "Nyota," he began calmly. "This is about the situation of the Vulcan race and what I feel I must do to help rebuild it. It isn't about not caring about you anymore. I still do, but this is what I *feel* is the right thing for me to do."

"No," Uhura hissed, desperate to make him see reason. "This is about guilt. Guilt that you couldn't save Admiral Pike even after having been his first officer for so long. I cannot believe you think you owe his wife a lifetime with her just because your mentor, her husband is dead."

Spock's eyes turned to obsidian at her challenges. Why couldn't she just accept this?

"Nyota, she is half Vulcan. We need her to help rebuild the Vulcan race. Were she fully human then I would agree it would not be necessary for me to pursue this, but she is not fully human. She is half Vulcan and it is in the best interest of the Vulcan people to bring her more into the fold so to speak."

"Spock, she is a grown woman. It is for her to decide what to do with her life, whether it benefits the Vulcan people or not! How arrogant do you have to be to assume what is best for her?"

"Not best for her. What's best for the Vulcan race. The needs of the many..."

"I know, I know," Uhura said with irritation as she put a slim hand in the air to silence him. "Fine, marry her, but if you spend the rest of your life miserable because you married out of obligation and misplaced guilt, don't come crying to me."

Storming out of the room, Uhura made a beeline straight for her quarters, blinking back the tears that stung her eyes. She didn't want to talk about it so she hoped she would make it there before anyone stopped her to ask what was wrong.

Only in a relationship with a Vulcan could one lose him to another woman for rational, logical reasons. It was so damned unfair


	4. Logical Messes

Kirk whirled to face Spock, blue eyes wide in disbelief. His throat closed up and his heart began thundering in his ears. "You did what?!"

"I proposed marriage to her and she accepted," Spock said matter of factly. "If it's any consolation, I do not believe the decision was an easy one for her to make. She appeared to have grown quite fond of you. However, her mother and I were able to persuade her to do the logical thing and marry another Vulcan."

Anger and disgust slowly replaced the disbelief and Kirk shook his head with a loud exhale. He hadn't seen it coming, not with Spock involved with Uhura. But he hadn't been thinking about logically. Apparently Spock had and Kirk could only imagine what a difficult decision it had been to break it off with Uhura. Perhaps misery would love company for a few drinks later. "You just couldn't wait to ruin this, could you?"

An eyebrow lifted in confusion as Spock tried to make sense of that comment. The young first officer of the Enterprise had hardly been looking forward to ruining anything for his best friend and captain. "Jim, we both know your heart belongs to the Enterprise."

"And yours belongs to Uhura. What's the difference?"

"The difference is I am willing to make a sacrifice for the good of the Vulcan people. That is not a choice you have to make."

That made Kirk snicker. "No, because you made that decision for me. It never even crossed your mind that I might be serious about taking care of Sadara and Chris? That I would do whatever I could to balance my career with a family?"

"Admittedly, I… assumed that the desire to care for them would dissipate once the pain of Admiral Pike's death lessened."

"You've got to be joking…," Kirk muttered under his breath as the doors to Kirk's quarters swished open and Dr. Leonard McCoy barged in unannounced. He stopped, noting the uncharacteristically solemn expressions of both. Even Spock rarely looked so… stressed and dejected.

"Well this looks like a lively gathering," the cantankerous doctor remarked sarcastically. "Jim, your physical…"

"Was that today?" Kirk feigned innocence and smirked knowingly at McCoy's withering gaze.

Even Spock smirked. "Be sure to examine our esteemed captain for signs of a broken heart, doctor."

"Yeah, you're funny," Kirk glared at his Vulcan friend, blue eyes blazing.

McCoy turned to Spock, eyebrows knitting in confusion, then looked back at Kirk with more amusement. "Broken heart… Are you even capable of having your heart broken?"

"Sure seems like it."

McCoy didn't miss the dejectedness in Kirk's tone and immediately the amusement faded. McCoy knew what it was like to be crushed by another person in that way and he found nothing funny about it. In fact, his temperature was rising just realizing that Spock was teasing Kirk about it.

"What happened?" He glared at Spock.

"He guilt tripped Sadara into agreeing to marry him by laying the plight of the Vulcan people at her feet," Kirk snorted derisively.

"You green blooded, hobgoblin… of all the insensitive things to do to your best friend… Jim, you can still fight for her."

Resting his palms against the counter, Kirk leaned forward and looked down at the countertop, pensively. He thought of all the things he had been looking forward to doing with little Chris on leave as the boy grew up. Reading to him, camping trips, horseback riding, sports… Maybe he could still do those things with him if he could get passed how much it hurt to have lost them. In a way, Kirk supposed he deserved it. Perhaps it was his karma for being such a jackass in his pursuit of other women. But the opportunistic man he used to know found himself unable to be that way with Sadara. He'd held himself back at a distance out of respect for her and his mentor until more time had passed. Spock had obviously felt no such compunction and leapt on the woman practically as soon as she was free to marry again. Spock was trampling on everyone, all just to bring a few more Vulcans into the universe. Kirk had to admit that sometimes Vulcan logic made him feel sick to the stomach.

After a long moment, Kirk finally shook his head gently.

"No, Bones. I want to, but I won't put her and Chris through a tug of war. They don't deserve that. I just wish I hadn't grown attached to them. Well, congratulations, Spock. You'll forgive me if I don't feel like attending the wedding?"

That sobered Spock up and his expression became solemn. "I understand, Jim," he said softly and exited his captain's quarters.

McCoy watched Spock's retreating back for a moment. Silence reigned as McCoy tried to find something comforting to say to his longtime friend. But what was comforting to someone suffering from a broken heart. Broken hearts were something that the Enterprise's Chief Medical Officer had experience in enduring, particularly at the hands of his ex wife, but there was no treatment for them other than perhaps time.

"I'm sorry, Jim," McCoy said softly, helpless to do anything else. "I know how it feels and I wouldn't even wish it on Spock, though he could probably learn something from the experience."

"Now Bones, I'm sure breaking things off with Uhura wasn't a barrel of monkeys for him either."

"Logic… it makes a god damned mess of everything," McCoy scowled.

Kirk couldn't help but wholeheartedly agree.


	5. Informing Sarek

Spock arrived back at his father's home shortly after dropping the bomb on his captain. Years among humans and the myriad ways they could react to any situation never ceased to perplex and fascinate him. The logical, orderly reactions he'd been conditioned to expect from Vulcans were almost never forthcoming among humans. Feelings, hopes, and desires were usually the driving forces behind anything humans did. They were resilient though and Spock knew that time would eventually heal Nyota and Jim and they would move on with other people. In a way, Spock wondered if perhaps they weren't the more fortunate two. They could move and fall in love again. Spock and Sadara were left to hope they'd develop an affinity for each other beyond their mutual concerns for the future of the Vulcan race.

Dressed in light, airy Vulcan robes appropriate for the summer heat, Spock found his father waiting just outside the front door. Spock was very punctual and Sarek had greatly anticipated his son's arrival. Their relationship had never been particularly rocky, but they hadn't been very close either. Mother and son had enjoyed the closer bond as she was the more empathetic and comforting of the two parents. As a hybrid who had to stare down bullies on a daily basis, it was no great surprise that Spock had gravitated to the warmer, more understanding parent.

Now Spock would be the father to a Vulcan/Human hybrid with hopefully more children to follow. He swallowed hard remembering that his late mother, Amanda would not be there to enjoy them or to advise her own son on how to be a more empathetic father than his own father had been. Still, Spock was visiting his father now in the hopes that he had some useful advice on how to navigate the rough seas of marriage to a more emotional woman. It wasn't logical to wish for Sadara to be anything other than who she was, but it also wasn't logical to deny that he wished she'd behave more like a Vulcan woman.

Spock ascended the stairs with the silent grace of a housecat and raised his hand in the Vulcan salute as he approached his father, the Vulcan Ambassador.

"Greetings, father."

"Greetings, my son. It is agreeable to see you again." Gesturing to the open front door, Sarek led the way into the small home. Though the House of Surak was the most prominent among Vulcans and still carried weight, Sarek hadn't felt it appropriate to live the full life of grandeur and privilege that he had enjoyed on Vulcan. The Vulcan people would be rebuilding for some time on their new world and a grand estate would simply have felt too vulgar a display even for Sarek's family.

"Your visit home pleases me, my son, but I trust that it is not simply for recreational purposes." Sarek said matter of factly as he entered the kitchen and ordered up some cold drinks for both of them.

Spock took the glass and then a sip as he pondered his words. "You are correct, father. I have come to tell you that my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura had ended and that Sadara Lochlan has agreed to be my wife. Arrangements for the wedding need to be made, preferably before I exhaust my leave time and must return to my duties aboard the Enterprise."

A graying eyebrow lifted in mild surprise and a silent Sarek moved toward the living area where he lowered himself onto the soft, comfortable couch. Spock dropped into the chair across from him and waited patiently for a response, the silence between them defeaning.

"I must admit I am perplexed, my son," Sarek said after a long moment. "I realize that people and situations change over time, but when last I saw you and Lieutenant Uhura it seemed as if you were both content with each other."

Nodding solemnly, Spock took another sip of the sweet, slightly tart juice before his serious brown eyes locked with his father's. "I changed, father. I still have great affection for Nyota, but given the plight of the Vulcan race, I believe the wisest course of action is to help raise Sadara's son with more Vulcan influence. And as I've told several people already, Sadara is half Vulcan. We need her to help rebuild the Vulcan race. I'm the logical choice to marry her as my own human half and experience with humans makes me better able to understand her more human impulses."

Spock's reasoning was sound, but it still made Sarek cock his head in curiosity. The elder Vulcan had chosen his human wife for less than logical reasons. Spock could be very much like his parents at times and it was surprising that he would approach a lifelong commitment with stone cold logic. Though Sarek admired his son's dedication to the Vulcan way, he also wanted his son to be content with his bondmate as Sarek had been with Amanda.

"Spock, I know that I have put great pressure on you to be Vulcan in most aspects of your life, but as I learned with my first marriage to T'Rea, there is a great deal more to marriage than logic. Can you see yourself being content in a marriage to Sadara? Can you accept her for who she is, even though the favor she shows her human half may bring you criticism?"

It was Spock's turn to raise an eyebrow. It pleased and surprised him that his father was so concerned about his son's contentment and not just that Spock was carrying out the Vulcan ideal of conduct. "I assure you father, I have given the matter a great deal of thought. I am satisfied that I am making the best decision for me."

"As you wish, my son. I will make the appropriate arrangements. I will contact you when everything is in order. Have she who is to be your wife here with you tomorrow for evening meal. I wish to meet my future daughter in law prior to the bonding ceremony."

"Yes, father," Spock stood and inclined his head respectfully. He set the now empty glass on the counter in the kitchen and bid his father a good day.

His next stop would be to apprise his wife to be that all would be in order shortly.


	6. Bonded

The reflection staring back at Sadara in the mirror was almost someone she didn't recognize. It helped her mother, Solara's task that the surreal nature of the day left Sadara rooted to the floor, just as still as the warm air outside their shared apartment. Solara adjusted Sadara's jeweled headdress one last time and then gently cupped her only child's shoulders. Mother and daughter stood in front of the mirror silently for a moment, simply taking in the moments before it was time for them to leave for the place of marriage.

Purple wasn't a favorite color of Sadara's, but she chose to wear it as it was a traditional color of Vulcan brides, the color of dawn on the Vulcan's lost homeworld. The light, airy fabric hugged her curves. With her hair arranged in an elaborate updo and her makeup finished, Sadara took a deep breath and glanced at the chronometer.

It was nearly time to leave for the ceremony that would be held at her intended's father's home. On the lost homeworld, the koon ut kal i fee would have been held at the groom's family's ancestral lands, but given the current situation that wasn't possible on as grand a scale.

Through the physical contact, Solara could feel the conflicting emotions tugging at her daughter. It hadn't been that long ago that the young woman had married for love. Now she was approaching her second marriage with a far more logical mindset. Even though she knew her reasons were sound, it felt so soon after Pike's death to be marrying again. And to another Starfleet officer. Spock would be rejoining the Enterprise mere days after their bonding. What if he also came home a corpse one day?

What if she and Spock never learned to love each other? A marriage not based in love seemed difficult for Sadara to imagine. Her thoughts flickered back to that snowy December day she and Pike had said their own vows. She had worn less than what she had on now, but she'd barely felt the cold she'd been so absorbed by their joy.

But joy wasn't the word here. She wasn't sure what to call what she felt now. She and Spock were not in love with each other. Certainly, Spock was still in love with Nyota because feelings didn't just wither and die overnight. For Sadara, love would have been enough, but for Spock it hadn't been. Raised in the Vulcan tradition, Spock required a more logical reason for most things. Love could not justify selfishness in his eyes.

"It is time," Solara said softly. She wished she had something of comfort to tell her daughter, but she had also married for love and had lost her own husband, killed in action during Starfleet service just as Admiral Pike had been. There was little of comfort to say. They could only hope that such a fate spared Spock.

W^^^W^^^W

The gong heralded the bride's arrival and Spock turned to see Sadara make her way to him. As he was not in Pon Farr, there were certain formalities that would be foregone in this ceremony. He would not strike the gong himself, but rather, he held his right hand out to her, palm out and index and middle finger extended. Sadara reciprocated and they knelt in the middle of the circle. As touch telepaths, their minds opened to each other at the physical contact and Sadara could feel his appreciation at her control during this ceremony. She could feel his deep brown eyes sweep over her, taking in her appearance appreciatively. Dressed as a Vulcan woman, she was quite stunning and regal. It made Spock wonder why she didn't choose to appear so every day. But now wasn't the time to remark on her beauty as the elder chosen to perform this bonding also knelt beside the couple. He had been speaking just moments before, but the couple's focus had been on each other and they'd barely registered anything he said.

His primary task in this bonding was to help ensure the solidity of the telepathic mating bond that would link Spock and Sadara to each other for life. Both felt warm fingers locate their psi points and for what felt like eternity a third presence in the telepathic link was felt. Following his lead, Spock and Sadara focused on the twining threads the Elder created between the couple's minds until soon the pair were unable to tug themselves apart. It was a disconcerting sensation at first as the Elder withdrew his hands and the young couple felt each other in the other's mind even as they severed their own physical contact. They would learn to hone their shields in order to achieve some semblance of personal space and privacy in their marriage, but from that moment, they would be able to vicariously experience much of what the other did. If one was in trouble, the other would know even if the couple was separated by light years.

"It is done," the Elder said matter of factly.

Short, to the point, and mercilessly efficient. A Vulcan bonding was much like most anything else Vulcans did.

W^^^W^^^W

The bonding ceremony had been followed by a lavish meal in Ambassador Sarek's home before the bride and groom retreated to their honeymoon as humans called the first days immediately following a wedding. Vulcans referred to this as Seclusion.

In the days before the wedding, Spock had taken the liberty of scouting out a new house to move his new wife into. Though he would have to return to duty within the week, he wanted to spend those days alone with his bride and not crammed into a small apartment with her mother or rooming in his own father's house. Solara had eagerly offered to look after her grandson for those days so the newlyweds could enjoy those precious few days alone together.

As Sadara enthusiastically explored their new home for the first time, Spock watched her pensively. He was undecided about when they should begin trying to expand their family. Given the potentially dangerous nature of his career in Starfleet, it seemed logical for them to start trying for their first child together without delay, but it hadn't even been a year since Sadara had given birth to little Christopher. Spock had also heard others say that marriages often stayed healthier if a couple waited a few years before bringing a baby into the picture. Given that he'd be away the majority of the time anyway, it seemed as if that advice didn't particularly apply to them anyway.

Joining his wife as she entered the master bedroom, he gently gripped her shoulders to stop her and turned her to him. He traced the contours of her face with his fingers as he gazed into her sapphire eyes. For a long moment, everything was still and silent in their world; and then Spock bent his head to kiss her. His hands explored her back, searching for the fastenings to her long, violet dress as his soft lips nipped and kissed at her neck and shoulders. Her head fell back, exposing more skin and she reached up to pull the pins out of her hair. The silky brown curls fell around Spock's hands as he finally undid the clasps of her dress and gently tugged the material off of her, sending it to a silky puddle around their feet.

"Adun," she whispered breathlessly as his lips continued their gentle assault on her skin.

_Aduna_, Spock replied telepathically as he gently coaxed her onto their bed.


	7. Moving On

Sadara sighed from the comfort of the bed. It was a wistful sigh tinged with resignation. Her new husband would return to his beloved starship in just a short while and she and little Chris would be alone again until he returned home on leave the next time. She tried to force a slight smile, but the fearful tears came easier.

This moment was all too familiar to her, but before it had been as the daughter, not the wife. Christopher Pike's life had come to a violent end on Earth where young Sadara had least expected to lose her husband to anything but the ravages of old age. She had never bade him goodbye or safe journey or anything before he shuttled off to a long voyage on a starship like she had her father, Brian many years ago.

Spock, quiet as a church mouse, paused in the packing of his bag as he noticed his aduna's sleepy eyes flutter open to greet the dawn. And him. Her dark brown hair was fanned out on the frilly peach colored pillow, the two colors playing off of each other to warm perfection. He felt her fear for him and sadness at his leaving tug at their bond before he even saw the tears well up in her eyes. The cause was sufficient as he understood the reasons for it, though he was impressed by the added realization that she was trying to control the reaction with thought modification and logic. Sadara couldn't summon the future so it was pointless to fret; and it wasn't set in stone that she'd lose Spock to the service as she had her father and Admiral Pike.

Gently lowering himself to the bed, Spock reached out to gently stroke a soft cheek. He said nothing as the bond communicated anything that needed to felt or said. He as well felt regret at the necessity of his departure once more, but his duty beckoned in concert with the starship Enterprise. His new wife and the son he had adopted would be safe in the company of family on New Vulcan.

With her bachelor's degree finished, she would be moving on to graduate school and would soon begin a career of her own. Originally, Starfleet had been her dream, but with a young child she had changed gears to accommodate a family. Her long Vulcan lifespan would keep a future career in Starfleet an option after her children were raised. For now, Spock was optimistic that she would be of great service to the remaining Vulcan people as a psychologist skilled and trained to help them cope with the challenges of rebuilding their culture and their lives.

A slight smirk tugged at the corners of Spock's lips as he noticed the speed or lack thereof in his wife's departure from the comfort of bed.

"I must depart soon so if you wish to accompany me to the transport coordinates you will regrettably have to leave the sanctuary of our bed."

"Logical as always," she teased back, taking a lengthy moment to stretch before rolling out of bed.

Padding over to the dresser, she pulled out some casual clothes suitable for a brief jaunt out and about until she could return home for a shower. Spock pulled her close as she pushed the drawers closed. For a long moment they stood in their embrace, savoring the last few moments of physical closeness before dragging themselves to the transport coordinates.

W^^^W^^^W

Spock had chosen to arrive back aboard the Enterprise an hour early to get settled back in and have a brief walkthrough of the ship before he reported back in to Captain Kirk. He had been in no hurry to leave his aduna, but he had certain habits and routines that he preferred to maintain.

His arrival back on the ship was met with some excitement and trepidation among the crewmembers. There was great respect among most for Commander Spock. He was fair and objective and for a Vulcan, fairly congenial and approachable. Still, the Vulcan/Human hybrid was a taskmaster and held the crew to high standards, which created some anxiety in some of his underlings. It was suspected though that the standards which Spock held the crew to were nothing compared to the impossibly high standards he held for himself.

Mixed emotions of other sorts greeted him from the faces of his closest friends. Captain James T. Kirk was still sore about his best friend's inconsiderate actions of late, but had missed Spock all the same and was anxious to resume exploring the galaxy together. He mumbled a begrudging congratulations and brought Spock up to speed on the upcoming mission.

As Spock took his station, his peripheral vision caught Lieutenant Uhura watching him and he turned to glance at her. There had been a glimmer of hope still left in her heart that he had come to his senses and hadn't gone through with the bonding to Sadara, but Spock hadn't corrected Jim when he'd offered congratulations so that hope had been swiftly dashed.

Spock's gaze was sincerely apologetic, but he had no second thoughts or regrets about his decision.

Uhura's heart felt like it might shatter into a million tiny, prickly shards as the finality of the situation sank in. There was now no hope of a reconciliation just short of a tragic accident befalling Sadara and that wasn't something Uhura would wish on her.

She lowered her gaze as Spock turned back to his instruments. She wished she could just vanish to the sanctuary of her own quarters, but she wouldn't have it said that a broken heart rendered her unable to complete her shift. She'd considered requesting a transfer to another ship so she could move on without seeing the cause of her broken heart sitting mere feet away on the bridge, but she'd worked too hard to earn a posting aboard the prestigious flagship and she wasn't giving that up, no way, no how.

With renewed determination, she pulled her chin up in that defiant way she had and resolved to gut it out until she could take out her frustrations in private.

A strong hand grasped her shoulder and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry," was all Kirk said.

"For all four of us," Uhura finished.


	8. Shackles

An evening meal and a couple of games of three dimensional chess with his captain found Spock after duty. While Kirk still smarted at Spock's recent actions, he was still Spock's friend and had missed their engaging and challenging games of chess. He simply resolved to not bring up Spock's home life and hoped that Spock would do the same. For once he was glad that Vulcans preferred not to divulge details about their personal lives because Kirk was in no way ready to hear about it; though part of him had to fight the urge to be snarky and ask Spock when the baby was due since the Vulcan had made such a fuss about helping to add to their numbers.

Having cleaned up their dinner mess and setting the chess board back up the way they found it, the Enterprise's two most senior officers exited the rec deck and made their way back to their quarters as they continued to chat about the upcoming mission. It was a diplomatic mission that involved settling trade route disputes between the Andorians and Orions. Diplomacy wasn't exactly Jim Kirk's strong suit and he had a way of pouring the proverbial gasoline on already delicate situations. The disputing parties would arrive on board before the Enterprise rendezvoused with the starship transporting the diplomatic delegation so Spock hoped that wouldn't deteriorate before then.

Arriving at Spock's quarters first, the duo hung back outside his door. Kirk shifted nervously at the sudden uncomfortable silence.

"Well..," he said, clasping his hands together in front of him and grinning in that mock cheerful way he had. "I'm sure you're anxious to check in on your wife and see how she's holding up so I won't keep you."

Spock cocked an eyebrow at that, as if he didn't fully comprehend Kirk's meaning. It was maddening to most humans and sometimes Spock honestly did it to tease them.

"Holding up, Jim? Sadara and I have only been apart for approximately 13 Earth hours and she is well supported by her own mother and my father. Apart from any concern for my well being, she should be "holding up" well."

"Right…," Kirk muttered, exhaling loudly. "Well, tell her I said hi."

"I will do that."

Punching in his authorization code, the door to Spock's quarters hissed open and the young Vulcan disappeared inside, leaving a frustrated and disappointed captain in his wake. Even after the last few years of working alongside his pointy eared first officer, Kirk still sometimes forgot to word things with Spock that didn't come back to bite him in the ass. And it still hurt and disappointed him that he wouldn't get to be a dad to little Christopher.

Padding down the hall the hundred feet to his own quarters, he punched in his own code with all the frustration of the recent weeks. He tossed his datapadd carelessly on his bunk and jerked his gold tunic over his head, flinging it in a puddle on top of the padd. Dejectedly, he flopped onto the bed next to the discarded items. A glimpse of a photograph of Sadara and baby Chris caught his eye as he let his head roll to the side toward his desk. He, like Uhura, had held out hope that Spock and Sadara wouldn't go through with their ill advised marriage and so that picture hadn't found its way to the bottom of a shoe box. Even now, Kirk had mixed feelings about taking the picture down. He didn't care about them any less, even though Sadara had chosen to marry Spock and so it seemed shallow and childish to just toss the picture in a box to be uncovered, nearly forgotten, years later. Still, it stung to have that visual reminder in his face everyday that even with Sadara, who favored her human half, logic had still been a better argument than happiness.

"Not even logic," Kirk muttered to the empty room. "Guilt trip. He guilt tripped her, damn selfish bastard."

Dragging himself to an upright position, he rose from the bed, snatching the offending picture from his desk. She was another man's wife now and it wasn't right to display a picture of another man's wife, he decided. Reaching under his bed, he pulled out a medium sized box that other similar things in it and launched the picture in it. He wasn't quite ready to just toss it in the garbage or burn it or anything that extreme, but he needed it out of eyesight for the foreseeable future.

Kirk needed to do what Spock would do were their positions reversed. He needed to accept that what was done was done and there was nothing he could do to change it. He needed to just move on with his life.

W^^^W^^^W

Opening the bag he'd let sit on his bunk all day, Spock began taking out the neatly folded clothes and other assorted personal items to be put away. A curious eyebrow lifted as his sharp brown eyes spied a small box he didn't recognize. He concluded it must be a gift of some sort from his wife.

Gently opening the little black box revealed a neatly folded slip of paper and a simple titanium wedding band tucked snugly inside. It was of a silver color and had a brushed finished with thin, shiny edges. He might have even picked something like it out himself had he any desire to wear such a thing.

Unfolding the note, Spock found a short message scrawled in Sadara's squiggly handwriting.

Just a human custom I wished to share with you. I hope it's to your liking.

Sadara

Spock considered the gift for a moment. His father wore rings quite frequently so it wasn't unheard of for Vulcans to adorn themselves with jewelry. Spock saw no benefit or reason to wear such things though. The wedding ring in some human cultures, Spock knew, was worn as a token of marriage and a sign to others that the wearer was spoken for. Perhaps Sadara had ulterior motives in her choice of gift, though she had no way of knowing if Spock would wear it.

Plucking it from the box, Spock slipped it on, finding the sizing to be comfortable, though the sensation of its presence was odd since he wasn't used to wearing rings. He left it on while he finished unpacking. Normally he would have dismissed such a gift as useless and unnecessary, but he found no harm in wearing it for a few days to see if he found any pleasure in it. He would have to call Sadara and thank her though. She would be curious about his thoughts on it and it was obvious she had put careful and considerate thought into what she thought he would prefer.

She had yielded to Vulcan logic and while one did not thank logic, Spock saw no logical reason why he shouldn't indulge some of her human impulses on occasion. With his unpacking finished, he sat himself down in front of his comm unit.


	9. Infectious Conditions

Sadara struggled to quell the nervousness that danced in her belly like butterflies, though she did not hesitate to press the chime when she reached the door to her father in law's home. A prim and proper people, there were a number of topics that Vulcans found repugnant to discuss; however with the recent incident highlighting the most dreaded and humiliating of all topics, Sadara decided it was way passed time to point out the enormous elephant in the room that no one was talking about.

Initially, when Sadara first came to the colony with her infant son she had resolved to stay out of such matters. She hadn't been a licensed counselor at that point and despite confidentiality practices, Vulcans weren't liable to discuss certain matters anyway. Besides, it had been logical to assume those with more authority had already determined that some uncomfortable topics would have to be broached due to the change in their species' circumstances.

The Pon Farr was an ominous challenge for the Vulcan male even in ideal circumstances. The all consuming, insanity inducing, seven year mating urge had tightened its grip with the destruction of Vulcan. The majority of the Vulcan survivors were male and the parameters of the Pon Farr were simple and unforgiving: mate or die. Their species couldn't afford even one more casualty.

Despite the heat, Sadara shivered at the mere thought of it. She and Spock hadn't even faced the fires of his Time yet, but the stories she'd heard whispered in hush tones were sufficiently intimidating. And the recent incident she'd seen with her own eyes… It was what had brought her to Ambassador's Sarek's door that afternoon.

Her acute Vulcan hearing detected approaching footsteps and she straightened, willing calm over her frayed nerves. She had achieved some measure of success in acclimating to the Vulcan culture, but she still was nowhere near her own mate's level of control.

The door opened gently to reveal Ambassador Sarek, who was dressed casually and holding a slim datapadd that was no doubt filled with reports about the incident that Sadara was here to discuss with him. He had expressed interest in her hearing her first hand account along with the official reports.

"Greetings, Sarek," she said, offering the Vulcan salute. Even though he was her father in law and they interacted often, she was here partially on business so the formal salute seemed appropriate.

The middle aged Vulcan returned the gesture and stepped aside, beckoning for her to enter his home. Having been expecting her, Sarek had prepared some spice tea and a light snack.

"I am pleased that you were uninjured in this morning's incident. I would not have wished to be called upon to deliver unfortunate news to my son while he is so far from home," Sarek remarked sincerely as he transferred the refreshments from the kitchen to the coffee table in the living room.

Sadara gratefully picked up one of the mugs and sipped the piping hot, spicy liquid. She rather enjoyed Vulcan food. Many non Vulcans found Vulcan food to be overwhelming. Vulcans tended to have less acute senses of taste and smell and so their food tended to be rather heavily spiced. The Vulcan/Human hybrid supposed she fit the Vulcan mold in those areas as she enjoyed many humans foods that were tart, sour, spicy, and very sweet as well.

"As am I," she nodded. "Though I wish it was a less uncomfortable topic we must address this afternoon. The incident this morning highlights an unpleasant, but unavoidable issue that we Vulcans must face."

"Unquestionably."

"I trust you've read the incident reports by now?" Sadara asked. She plucked a piece of fruit from the tray with a slightly teasing smirk. "Pineapple, my favorite. Spock must have told you."

"I have and he did," the Vulcan ambassador returned, amusement tingeing his voice.

"Sonav had no relatives or anyone else living with him so there was little warning when he stumbled into the clinic this morning. I obviously hadn't seen anyone in Pon Farr up until that point, but it was obvious that's what he was going through and he looked to be three or four days gone already. Crazed, disoriented…"

Sadara stood abruptly and began pacing in the ambassador's living room. Sarek watched her curiously and with some concern as she fidgeted. It was possible that the topic and the events of the morning had frazzled her some, but he couldn't rule out something far more ominous. Having already read the reports, he knew that Sadara had been in brief physical contact with Sonav when she tried to stop him from dragging one of her female co-workers out of the clinic in his unstable condition. Pon Farr was sometimes communicable through physical contact, particularly if the contact was sudden or unexpected.

"Sonav's actions this morning were of desperation, nothing more. Desperation the majority of the Vulcan males in this colony are going to experience. Not nearly as many Vulcan women as men survived the destruction of Vulcan. Not all Vulcans are as open minded to marriage to members of other species as you are, Sarek, but it may be necessary for more to do so if we are to survive. And we may not be able to survive being so secretive about it anymore. Without understanding the nature of this condition, incidents like the one this morning will lead to fear and distrust of Vulcans among non Vulcans."

Sarek remained silent for a few moments as he digested her words. As logical as the Vulcans claimed to be, the Pon Farr generated a less than logical reaction. There would be nothing easy about trying to convince the rest of their population to make public the details of the horror that was the Pon Farr. It was true though that more Vulcans would die if they weren't willing or able to accept non Vulcan mates. And as distasteful as it was to many Vulcans, the truth was Vulcan/alien hybrids would bring enough fresh genes into the savagely curtailed Vulcan gene pool with the potential to "breed out" the alien genes over time and generations.

"As distasteful as it is for Vulcans to even broach this topic among ourselves, I agree that it may be necessary to disclose more information about it. The others however may be more difficult to convince."

Rubbing her face wearily, Sadara nodded. "It's so hot today. Odd. Normally I'm comfortable with this temperature… In any case, more information would likely generate more compassion and tolerance of the male's condition in the future. Or we could clone Vulcans? Anyone escape with their wife's hairbrush?"

Only half joking, Sadara wondered if that could really work provided any such objects made it off of Vulcan.

Sarek's brown eyes brightened as if the possibility hadn't occurred to him before and he straightened up in his chair. Almost as quickly though he dismissed it. Most Vulcans would find that sort of cloning to be distasteful and disrespectful to the dead. Sarek though had detected the not quite gallows humor in her suggestion though.

"Sadara?" Sarek said.

She looked to him, but she seemed distracted, as if she were a million miles a way and she was having difficulty focusing on him for long. Outwardly, Sarek remained composed as he always did. Inside though, apprehension set in and he could only hope Sonav hadn't inadvertently "infected" Sadara with his Pon Farr. If Sonav had then Spock had mere days to return home to his wife.

"Sadara, come with me. A physician must examine you right away."


	10. A Vulcan Way To Burn

"Only one game tonight, Spock?" Kirk asked surprised as his Vulcan first officer rose from his chair. It wasn't that there was a problem with calling it an early night, but it was unusual. Two to three games was their norm, but it appeared tonight that Kirk would get a chance to sink his teeth into that new history book he'd snared on their last shore leave.

"Regrettably so, Jim. As Humans do not experience the telepathic marital bond shared by Vulcans, it would be difficult to explain what I'm experiencing right now; however I feel I must look in on my wife."

Kirk's eyebrows knitted together in concern and he started setting the chess board back up for the next players. "Is everything alright, Spock?"

"I hope so, Jim."

A puzzled expression played over Spock's features for the briefest of moments as he searched for a way to explain the bond in a way that Kirk could wrap his mind around. He realized he didn't owe his friend an explanation, but helping Kirk to understand might ease communication in future conversations. Perhaps he'd meditate on it and an effective way of clarifying the experience would come to him.

"If you'll excuse me, captain," Spock inclined his head toward his captain and best friend and exited the rec deck, moving quickly in the direction of his quarters. Crewman passing by in the corridors acknowledged him as they went about their business, but Spock barely noticed them. It was becoming more and more difficult to ignore the sudden turbulence in his marital bond.

Sadara was in no way the picture of the model Vulcan woman. She had never spent the time and effort that he had into learning and practicing the mental disciplines, but he had become accustomed to the lack of total calm. Despite the marital bond not being the still waters that he'd anticipated with a Vulcan woman, Sadara's presence with him always was still a mostly pleasant experience. She had a lively, energetic personality with a good sense of humor. Interestingly, the bond had made it easier for him to understand his Human comrades because Sadara was able to clarify things for him. However, she had never felt this emotional and chaotic through their bond before. Her emotions normally felt more like the ebbs and flows of gentle waves rather than these increasingly heavy ones angrily pounding the beach.

The merciful quiet and sanctuary of his dimly lit quarters embraced him like the long lost comforting arms of his mother gone before her time. Lowering himself into the chair at his computer, he programmed up a connection to his father's home on New Vulcan. Perhaps his father had noticed something unusual about Sadara that might help Spock prepare for a conversation with his wife.

When his father's visage appeared on the monitor a few moments later, Spock nearly breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"Greetings, my son," Sarek said, his tone serious and deep with concern. "Your communication comes at a most fortuitous time. I was about to contact you myself. Your wife requires your presence at home."

Spock drew in a deep breath. "Our bond has been… turbulent for the last several hours. I had anticipated that it would be a brief experience, but her mental and emotional state continues to deteriorate. Father… do you know what is wrong with her?"

Sarek's dark brown eyes closed as if he was loathed to say it. "Spock… Sadara contracted the… Pon Farr this morning when she attempted to stop a male in Plak Tow from taking another woman out of the building with him."

A surge of emotions welled up in Spock, but he worked valiantly to keep them from showing in his expression. His father would not approve of such outward displays of emotion. His eyes must have betrayed his concern for his wife and stepson though because Sarek's expression softened with compassion instead of the stern criticism that Spock had expected.

"The boy has been taken to his grandmother's until this has passed. For one who has not spent much time mastering the mental disciplines, Sadara is enduring this well, but her time grows short. You must return home at once, Spock."

"I will make the necessary arrangements now, father, and I will contact you when I know precisely when I will arrive."

Sarek nodded. "I will wait to hear from you then."

W^^^W^^^W

Kirk sat up with a muffled groan as the door chime sounded. Tossing his datapadd onto his bed, he pushed himself to a standing position and made a beeline for the door. Rarely did anyone bother him in his quarters after duty so it must be important and his mind shifted to ship's business.

"Come!"

The door hissed open to admit Spock who looked rather grim, for Spock anyway. Dread settled in Kirk's belly like a dead weight. Spock had mentioned contacting home and here he was at Kirk's quarters off duty. Something must be really wrong on the homefront.

"Whatever it is, you got it," he said simply.

Spock's eyebrows hit his bangs. "But I have not yet made my request, captain."

"Alright then, let's have it."

Spock shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't sure if he should explain the Pon Farr to his friend now or wait until it was his own Time. While Kirk wasn't demanding an explanation this time that would surely have to come when it was Spock's turn and his sudden, unpleasant behavior would be noticed. It was logical to take this opportunity to prepare his captain for this unpleasant aspect of Vulcan nature.

"I require emergency leave for at least the next seven days, possibly longer if necessary. Through physical contact, Sadara inadvertently telepathically contracted a condition that normally only Vulcan males experience. Without my assistance it is likely to be fatal."

Kirk's expression changed from one of concern to confusion. "Of course, take whatever leave you need, but what can you do for her, Spock. You're not a doctor. Or is it something that can be fixed with a mind meld or something?"

Spock took a few steps, his gaze not meeting his captain's. Not this time; the situation was too personal though there would have come a time when Kirk would have had to be told anyway.

"Not even a doctor can help her through this," Spock almost whispered, shaking his head. "Vulcan males typically experience it every seven years of our adult lives though occasionally others can accidentally contract it through physical contact."

"What is it exactly," Kirk asked, obviously still confused. Spock was obviously uncomfortable talking about it and that made Kirk concerned about his friend. Whatever it was, Kirk wanted to help.

"If you're too uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about it, Spock…"

"Interesting you should mention those sensations, Jim, because that's exactly what Vulcans experience in the rare instances when we must discuss this… subject. However, it is necessary to discuss it here because there will come a time when I must… endure this condition and require leave for it as well."

"Very well, continue." Kirk said, still giving Spock his undivided attention.

"We call it the Pon Farr or Time of Mating. It is a biological force that compels the male to return home every seven years to mate or die. He can only resist it or endure it for so long before the urge to mate drives him to madness. In the Plak Tow or Blood Fever, Vulcans have fought and killed to win their mates."

Kirk's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief. He would never have guessed Vulcans would have to deal with anything like this. It sounded like the most hellish of tortures.

"But in this case, Sadara…"

Spock nodded. "contracted it from a Vulcan male in Pon Farr when she attempted to stop him from taking another woman in his madness. As her mate, I am the only one that can help her, Jim. She'd endure it for perhaps a week before it kills her if I don't return home to her."

"And when it's your time?"

"I will go home to her, naturally."

"I'll instruct the bridge to set course for Vulcan. And thank you for trusting me with that information. I know it was uncomfortable for you and I promise I won't say anything to anyone." Kirk said solemnly.

Spock nodded gratefully, a slight sigh of relief escaping him. "If you'll excuse me, Jim. I wish to meditate and get some sleep."

"Can't say I blame you," Kirk chuckled. "Good night, Spock."

"Goodnight, captain."


	11. Hot Showers

For the first time in her young life, Sadara Lochlan wished with a fervor she'd never experienced before that she'd spent more time in her youth practicing the Vulcan mental disciplines. Her mother had taught them to her and young Sadara had been attentive, but unlike most Vulcans, she hadn't troubled herself to practice everyday. Had she done so, her current predicament might have been slightly more tolerable.

_Or maybe not…,_ her inner voice grumbled sarcastically as she hazily recalled her father in law mentioning something about how even years of mental discipline failed to adequately prepare most Vulcan males for the madness of the Pon Farr.

A howl of frustration tore from her throat as she angrily tossed the bed covers away from her body. The sweat soaked sheets remained tangled around her long legs and she gave them a couple of impatient yanks as well. She was still for a long moment as if puzzling how she came to be in her bed when it was obviously daylight out and early evening at that. Had she fitfully slept through most of the day?

Crossing her legs, she rested her elbows on her legs and buried her feverish face in her trembling, ice cold hands. It had felt like an inferno with the covers over her and now she felt chilled to the bone now that they were lying in a puddle on the carpeted floor next to the bed. Either way she was uncomfortable and it was irritating her already frayed nerves.

Expletives in a gibberish mixture of both Vulcan and English erupted and flowed like lava from her lips, cursing her Vulcan ancestors and the evolution of the Vulcan people for the state she was currently in.

_Go figure that the Pon Farr would be a touch telepathically communicable disease…_, she thought miserably.

_Spock!_ Her mind practically screamed for him through their bond. _Where are you?_

She strained to "hear" him respond and for a brief moment she thought she could hear him, but it was only a whisper drowned out by the howling maelstrom of the chaotic condition she was suffering from. Her breathing was shallow and her heart slammed against her ribs as if trying to pound its way free from the quaking prison her body had become.

Betrayed by her own body, Sadara felt like she was suffocating in her own hormones. As time passed, it became more and more difficult to concentrate on anything except the desperate yearnings of her body.

Slowly she rose from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

Perhaps a hot shower would soothe the trembling…

W^^^W^^^W

Spock landed the shuttlecraft at the designated coordinates he'd received from orbital traffic control. As he disembarked the shuttlecraft and checked to make sure that no one else could access it, he remarked inwardly how fortunate it was that he could perform many tasks with such skill and practice that they came automatically to him. He had been so preoccupied with his wife's rapidly deteriorating state that he barely recalled executing all those landing procedures.

He looked around, his mind still distracted by the broadcasting of Sadara's turbulent thoughts and emotions through their bond. He was brought back to the outside world by the gentle call of his father, Sarek behind him. Though their relationship was occasionally strained, Spock could always count on his father's assistance in any crisis of his life.

Spock turned with a start and his dark brown eyes slowly focused on his father, taking a moment to fully register the older man's presence. Sarek understood the experience completely and noted with some regret that Spock was experiencing this as the spouse of the one suffering the Pon Farr. Sarek's own late wife, Amanda had often spoken of a unique torment of being the spouse; that seeing her husband suffer had been its own hell. Spock had yet to face his own Fires. It was a torture Sarek would never wish on his worst enemy.

"Come, my son. This way."

"I came as soon as I could…," Spock mumbled distantly, his mind obviously elsewhere, drawn constantly and inexorably to his wife's pleas for his return.

W^^^W^^^W

Nodding his thanks, Spock exited his father's aircar and strode purposefully up to the door of the house that he only had opportunities to visit, though it he considered it his home. Quietly he programmed in his code to grant him access through the front door.

"Sadara?!" He called. She would be easily startled and unpredictable in her condition so he had no wish to stumble upon her unannounced. His astute Vulcan hearing picked up the soft sound of the shower running upstairs and he made the slow ascent in that direction.

He padded into the master bedroom and called her name once more aloud and through their bond. A brief wave of anticipation and relief flowed from her through the bond at that before chaos and intense emotion clouded her thoughts again. Spock moved into the bathroom to find his wife peering out from around the shower curtain.

Spock stopped with a sharp, but barely audible gasp at the sight. The look in her large, sapphire eyes was feral and predatory and reminded him nothing of the woman he married. It was as if someone or something unrecognizable as Vulcan or Human had usurped her body. Agony gutted Spock to see what the dreaded Pon Farr had done to Sadara. He wanted to back away from her, but he couldn't do that. She was his wife even though she was gripped in the fiery inferno of Pon Farr; and someday she would be called upon to face his own Burning and with greater peril to her own safety given how much stronger he was than her.

Sadara saw him, but not as Spock. Only as a male who could put an end to her hell. Water dripped from her hair and she looked poised to pounce on Spock if he even moved a muscle. Motioning for her to remain still, Spock stripped out of his own clothes and joined her in the shower.

W^^^W^^^W

Spock was the first to rouse from sleep. Rolling his head over to his left, he checked the chronometer for the date and time. Vulcans had an innate sense of time that was more astonishingly accurate, but for the first time in his life Spock felt too spent to look inward for that answer. Three point five days had elapsed since he'd returned home. Somehow the experience simultaneously felt like an eternity and yet seemed to have flown by so quickly. He shook his head to clear it, disquieted by the disparity in those perceptions.

Rolling over toward Sadara, he found her lying on her side, still asleep. She was still pale, but her breathing was deep and natural again. The inferno of the pon farr had finally burned out and deserted the young woman, leaving only exhaustion in its wake. Though he was satisfied that the pon farr had been fully resolved in her, he still wanted to scan her for injuries. Rolling to his other side he explored the drawer of his bedside table and withdrew the medical tricorder he'd borrowed from the irascible Dr. McCoy. Sadara was a deep sleeper so Spock wasn't overly concerned that the incessant chirping of the device would wake her.

The Vulcan/Human hybrid breathed an audible sigh of relief as the little device reported no injuries, but another reading caught his attention. He adjusted a setting and the tricorder performed a more in depth scan and returned the wanted information to its user. Spock drew in a deep breath as surprise and joy welled up in him. He was Vulcan so the uplifting emotions didn't register on his perpetually stoic face, but it would have been illogical to deny their presence so Spock let them be.

_A child… a daughter even. We could hardly hope for more._

Snapping the tricorder off and closed, Spock tucked it under his pillow and relaxed next to Sadara again. Tenderly, he brushed the long brown strands of her hair away from her face and pulled her close. He longed to wake her and tell her, but she required the rest, not only for her own sake, but also for their coming daughter's. It could wait and Spock let himself drift off to sleep again, content with the knowledge that this whole nightmare had been more than worth it.


	12. Baby Joy

The soft light of dawn greeted Sadara as she finally roused. For the first time in several days, she felt like herself again, though her body was still tight with soreness and exhaustion. Uncertain how long she'd slept, she felt like she could still sleep another solid week before feeling fully restored.

_I really should muster up the energy to get out of bed…_, she thought to herself as if she could talk herself into such an ambitious action that way. Not quite ready to, she rolled over and found Spock dozing lightly next to her.

Registering her movement, his deep brown eyes opened and instantly focused on her, telling Sadara he'd been awake for some time. Inwardly, she giggled. Vulcans with bed head never ceased to amuse her. They were so prim and proper and neat that it was difficult to imagine in any way that wasn't humorous. Of course she knew they slept as most living creatures did and thus, mussed hair was unavoidable.

A small smirk appeared on Spock's lips as he caught her observation through their bond. It was interesting to him to experience her perceptions like this; a Vulcan/Human hybrid like himself, but with the human upbringing and perspective. They were learning much from each other.

"Good morning, aduna," Spock greeted her.

"Good morning, adun," Sadara replied, peering at him curiously. He seemed different somehow; more relaxed and peaceful than he usually seemed. Even his eyes sparkled with emotion, though she wasn't certain of the reason for it. "You seem awfully rested and peaceful for someone who just had to deal with a spouse in pon farr…"

"It was intense, but survivable, obviously since I still live," Spock joked. "And I am 'awfully rested and peaceful' as you put it because I am… overjoyed at the news that I will be a father in 10 months."

Sadara gasped slightly, not expecting to hear that so soon. "A baby, adun?"

"A daughter, Sadara," he nodded, his hand moving to caress her middle.

Her smaller hand covered his and squeezed gently. Joy filled her at the knowledge that her young son, Chris would soon have a sister to play with. "That's wonderful news, Spock. Your father will be pleased as will my mother. We'll have to tell them today. Perhaps over dinner?"

"That would be acceptable; however I would prefer that we order in or go out to a restaurant. I don't want you to overexert yourself so soon after what you've endured. This pregnancy is likely to be delicate. I'll arrange for your medical care before I return to the Enterprise."

W^^^W^^^W

Spock returned to the Enterprise a few days later after making certain that Sadara was fully recovered. He'd used his influence as Ambassador Sarek's son to get a rush medical appointment for Sadara so he could be present. He wanted to make sure that Sadara's health and that of their baby's was strong enough that he could return to the Enterprise without excessive and undue worry. And he had to admit to some emotional need to be present for the first scans of his coming daughter.

Satisfied that all was well, Spock returned to the ship. He experienced some disquiet at feeling torn in two directions. He cherished his career in Starfleet and was eager to explore space once again with his friends and crewmates, but leaving his wife in such a delicate condition was disquieting. He fervently hoped her pregnancy would be uneventful.

Adding to the disquiet was that Spock had no idea how to break the news gently to Kirk and Uhura. Human emotions were unpredictable and Spock knew that both of them cared about him, but he and Sadara had hurt them and he wasn't certain how they'd react to the news of their coming baby. Perhaps he'd ask Dr. McCoy for advice. The good, but irascible physician understood humans in ways that Spock did not and he often gave good advice if one could see past all the bluster. Though Spock could imagine that McCoy would be none too pleased either realizing the same thing that Spock did; Kirk and Uhura might be hurt by the otherwise joyful news.


End file.
